It’s another 31st October, Happy Halloween! We dare you not to scream with laughter when you read these funny and scary Halloween jokes and riddles for kids and adults.
Halloween is a great celebration for everyone. Below you will find funny and scary halloween jokes for adults and kids. Make your Halloween a memorable one by playing fun games.
Halloween Jokes And Riddles For Kids
Q. Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?
A. He was a pain in the neck!
Q: What is a Mummies’ favorite type of dance music?
Q: What’s a haunted chicken?
A: A poultry-geist!
Joe: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
Brent: I don’t know.
Joe: Wrap music!
Why don’t witches wear panties?
They get a better grip on their broom.
Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building!
Q: Why did the witches have to cancel their baseball game?
A: Because they ran out of bats!
Q: What do you do with a very green monster?
A: Wait until it ripens!
Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up!
Q. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?
A. Because he had no body to go with.
Q. Why don’t you eat ghosts?
A. They’ll go right through you.
Q: Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin!
Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
Q: What kind of ice cream does a ghost like?
A: I Scream!
Q. What song do vampires hate?
A. Here Comes The Sun!
Q: Why aren’t there more famous skeletons?
A: They’re a bunch of no bodies!
Q. What do you do when you see a ghost?
A. Run away of course!
Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
Q. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?
A. Dead ringers.
Q: Where do ghosts go to buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store!
Q: Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?
A: Because they just had their brains scooped out!
Max: What would you find on a haunted beach?
Tom: I’m stumped.
Max: A sand-witch!
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
Q. Where is the zombie’s favorite room in the house?
A. The living room.
Q. Where did the baby ghost sit?
A. In a BOOster seat!
Halloween Jokes & Riddles For Adults
Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a orange pumpkin patch!
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it’s Halloween!!
Q: Why are spiders great web developers?
A: They like finding bugs.
Q: What did the full moon vampire say to the other full moon vampire?
A: See you next month!
Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!
Q: What kind of clothes do the coolest zombies wear?
A: Decay NY!
I’m going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It’s the only time I can take her out as she’s been dead for ten years.
Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
I had a big row with my wife last Halloween. I yelled at her, “When you finally die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.”
“Yeah well,” she shouted back, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that says, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’”
The best part about Halloween is that the cobwebs in my house look like decorations.
Halloween is easily the scariest night of the year, what with the dead rising from their graves…
and fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats.
Q: What do you call a dancing ghost?
I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day.
I knew it would come back to haunt me.
Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: At the casketeria.
My wife felt like she’d seen a new caring considerate side to me after I spent the day making treats for the Halloween callers yesterday.
I really hope they appreciated my home made toffee onions.
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning.
Me and my girlfriend were going to a Halloween party last year and my girlfriend came down the stairs wearing nothing but boots.
I asked her “What are you suppose to be?”
She said, “Puss in boots.”
Q: What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
A: You suck.
I think it’s a real shame that today’s young people don’t even know why we really celebrate Halloween.
None of us would be here today if Jesus hadn’t slain that giant pumpkin.
Q: What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing cream.
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, “Trick or treat?” I looked at him and asked, “What have you come as?”
He said, “A werewolf.”
I said, “But you’re not wearing a costume. You’ve just got your normal clothes on.”
He said, “Yeah well, it’s not a full moon yet, is it?”
Q: What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood?
A: The non-suckers section!
Q: Why are vampires like to vote Democrats?
A: They wanted to Gore in 2000!
Q: Why shouldn’t you try to hug a spooky ghost?
A: Because all you get is a couple of handfuls of sheet!